she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
