Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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