I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
