I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
