i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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