I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize