My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
