my vag is so smooth its legendary
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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