Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
