I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
