Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
