Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
