it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
