I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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