Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
