i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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