Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
