Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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