No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That was before I lit my hair on fire
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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