No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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