"it" just moved
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
pop tarts are not kleenex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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