There is no way he is gay with that hair.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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