My hand turned me down
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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