Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
