You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
