lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
