It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
