stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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