Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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