3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Non-Jews are for practice
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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