Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
