I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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