Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
