i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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