I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
