youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
