So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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