I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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