Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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