Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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