Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We are two peas in an std pod
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
