hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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