I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
