I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize