She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
