I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
