i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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