All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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