girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
