just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
