He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
