Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
