She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize