Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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