Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize