i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
