god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize