Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
