Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize