did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
