I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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