i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize