Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
