Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's shark week go big or go home
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
