then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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