remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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