I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
