So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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