I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
