She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
