Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
