So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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